What I’ve Learned About Leadership the Hard Way

Real stories. Honest lessons. And the truth about what it really takes to lead well. 

Leadership looked different in my head.

I thought it meant having a plan, being decisive, staying in control, and keeping things polished on the outside...no matter what chaos was happening behind the scenes.

I believed I had to carry it all. Be everything to everyone. Solve every problem.

And for a while, I could.

Until I couldn’t.

If you’ve ever felt the weight of leadership crushing instead of calling you. This is for you.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about leadership the hard way, so maybe you don’t have to.

1. Clarity Is More Important Than Control

Early on, I tried to control everything...systems, client interactions, team energy. I thought micromanaging meant I cared. But all I was doing was creating stress, for them and for me.

What I’ve learned?

People don’t need you to control them. They need clarity.

• Clear expectations

• Clear feedback

• Clear vision

When your team knows where they’re going and what’s expected, they lead themselves better than you ever could by force.

2. Leadership Without Boundaries Leads to Burnout

I used to pride myself on being “available.” I’d answer texts at all hours. Cover every shift. Absorb everyone’s emotions.I thought that made me a great leader. What it actually made me? Exhausted. 

Boundaries aren’t walls.They’re doors that open and close with intention.

You can be present and protect your peace.

You can lead with empathy and still say, “That’s not mine to carry.”

3. You Can’t Want Growth More Than They Do

This one hurt.

I’ve poured into people who didn’t want it. I’ve created growth paths for team members who weren’t ready, or willing, to take them. I thought if I just gave more, they’d step up.

But the truth is: you can’t carry someone else’s ambition.

What you can do is:

• Cast the vision

• Offer the tools

• Cheer them on

• Hold the standard

The rest? That’s on them.

Leadership means learning to release what’s not yours to hold without resentment.

4. Your Culture Is a Reflection of You

This one took me a while to own.

I used to get frustrated with team dynamics, energy shifts, and lack of initiative. And then I realized I had created a culture that tolerated it. The culture you lead is the culture you allow.

That means:

• If gossip exists, it’s because it’s been overlooked.

• If apathy is present, expectations haven’t been reinforced.

• If people are confused, clarity hasn’t been given.

Hard truth? Yes. But empowering. Because it means you have the power to change it. 

5. Leadership Grows You First

I thought leadership would grow my team. And it did.

But what I didn’t expect was how much it would grow me.

It’s revealed my insecurities.

Tested my patience.

Exposed my limits.

Stretched my emotional capacity.

And deepened my character in ways nothing else could.

It’s humbling. It’s holy. It’s hard.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Final Thought:

If leadership feels heavy sometimes. It’s because it matters.

You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re just doing the real work.

The good news? You don’t have to do it alone.

There are tools, rhythms, and mindsets that can help you grow without carrying it all.

So take a breath. Let go of what’s not yours. And lean into the kind of leadership that lasts.

Want a simple rhythm to help you reflect and reset?

Take 5 minutes each day this week to ask:

• What did I model today?

• Did I lead from fear or from vision?

• Where do I need to be more clear?

• What can I release that I’ve been holding too tightly?

You don’t need perfection. You just need presence.

You’ve got this. And we’re here to help. 

—Evan Silver